the road to interior journey

St Benedict's Rule nourishes the monks in their interior life to struggle with detachment. As a matter of fact, detachment is the goal of monks' interior journeying to a deeper observance of their monastic practices.

With detachment, the monks are able to remove all possible obstacles to a deepening relationship with God. These obstacles could take several forms. They could be affected by an internalized tyrant that drives them to over-achievement, or they may be unaware of their most-favored attachments to many things inside the Cloister, or they could be overwhelmed by their expectations of how GOD will act, behave or respond. Monks can also become unaware of their idolatry putting God-images that say: "God is just like this, never like that" etc . Monks could be living with an unconscious stubborn determination to get their own way.

For monks, achieving detachment requires courage, discipline and determination as suffering accompanies the process. Suffering has some of its roots in attachment to attitudes, thoughts, and desires. Suffering remains until the heart lets go. But in the end, suffering can be the avenue toward freedom, maturity, and humility.

Evidence of detachment?

Yes, there is evidence that one can observe and experience when monks deepen in the interior discipline of detachment. Growth is revealed when judgmental and critical attitudes begin to soften among the monks. They can see a bit of themselves reflected in another monk's behavior. Instead of reacting with irritation and sharp words, they hold their tongues. They become more tolerant of each other's weaknesses and each other's individual habits and behaviors as they grow in compassion. They work constructively with their passions and desires. They become far more tolerant and their irritation level drops of each others habits, behaviors and their ways of being inside the Cloister.

When monks pray the Psalms

In the monastic life, we pray the book of Psalms on a regular and routinary basis. We recite the 150 Psalms in a week subdivided from Sunday til Saturday of the week, hence, we recite them eight times a day in a week.

The chant tones of praying the Psalms each day becomes multifaceted, that is, God speaks to each of the praying monks through particular texts but God also speaks contemplatively at a deeper level that involves no words.

What is it that God wants to say to each one of the praying monks through the texts of the Psalms?

In everyday that the monks pray, they encounter words that are varied- sometimes they are challenging texts, sometimes they are comforting, sometimes they bring the stillness from the sound of silence and sometimes the roar of the devouring fire.

Lament Psalms give voice to the monks' raw emotions- in all the world's chaos, pains, ugliness, and honesty. This enables the praying monks to intercede on behalf of those who find it difficult to continue holding their hands up in prayer and supplication.

The monks pray these Psalms together with the suffering being lifted up before God. The world's pain, terror, and horror becomes theirs. In solidarity, the monks take on the mind and heart of the suffering, the possibility of their conversion and transformation. The monks pray these Psalms in witness and as protest against the unjust system and greed that inflict suffering. They pray these Psalms for the silenced, the ignored, and the oppressed to denounce evil and claim freedom as promised by our Liberating God.

As the monks pray these Psalms, they can enter fully into the emotions expressed in these rough texts, they can experience the feelings, emotions, and situations of the peoples' lives. They can pray in such a way that their hearts are stretched so that the pain of others becomes their pains as well. Their hearts will be transformed into tender, compassionate and listening hearts.

Monks pray these Psalms as denunciation of evil and the world's insensitivity to the plight of the majority of its people. This is a kind of denunciation that challenges the monks to see the injustice that is difficult for most people to look at.

Finally in praying the Psalms, the troublesome and horrific burdens of daily living move the monks' hearts to the core of their beings making them lift up these conditions before God.

On dented walls, crushed ants and spiders…

Power can be dangerous. People in power can do so much either for the good or the bad.

These words of thoughts came to me in such an unexpected and unprecedented incident that happened Friday the eleventh of this month. I was at the kitchen cooking for the day’s main meal which would be at 1:20Pm. My attention was drawn to the intercom’s ring from the pantry while attending to the chicken ‘adobo‘ that I was cooking. I was alone nearby so I deemed it right to answer the phone call.

It was from the accounting office asking me clarifications of items that I purchased last Wednesday. The accountant-assigned monk requested me to come over. I should have said no because I was preoccupied at the kitchen but my kindness and charity prevailed. In minutes, I was at the office and answering queries that the monk were asking me questions that were not supposed to be asked from me like classifying those items reflected on the receipt that needed to be classified. Honestly, I did not know what to say as I was never assigned in the accounting office. I don’t know anything about classifying and categorizing grocery stuffs for accounting records. That is purely the job of the accountant. But he kept asking me to the point that he was yelling and shouting at me already. I was taken aback by the way he was pointing his pointing finger at me and his shoutings. He was practically freaking out already while asking me what were their classifications. I could have just answered him “please ask the cellarer or the Prior about that” calmly and could have just turned my back and walked away.

But I did not! I couldn’t. The heat of the scene carried me away and has kinda overwhelmed me that I began answering him back in a loud voice, too, saying that it was not my job to classify those items like energizer batteries, or pam spray, or toilet paper because it was purely his job as the assigned accountant of the monastery. He wasn’t listening to me as he kept asking me the same questions. The situation was just too much for my patience anymore. In seconds, and before I realized it, my fist hit the wall on my left side where I was standing and its impact caused a deep dent on it. The monk was startled and was wordless. The heat of my anger flowed down like water in the river. I snapped! One elder monk witnessed the incident and he meddled which brought me back to my senses. I was pacified, walked away as fast as I could and talked to the Prior about the incident.

The incident caught me and trapped me. Of course, guiltily I closed my eyes , to compose myself and bring myself back to the kitchen where I was supposed to attend to my cooking and preparation of the meals for the main meal. In the afternoon, I was summoned by the Subprior. I related to him the story as calmly as a repentant sheep.

I took this incident home to my cell that evening, landed on my knees, arms outstretched, and recited five decades each of the three Mysteries of the Holy Rosary as my penance. As I pondered on the incident more, I realized that objectively, I still had so much control of myself. I thought that If I was not a monk, and in ordinary circumstance, I could have grabbed the yelling monk by his neck, wrestled with him till he fell on the ground and given him left and right punches. Also by keeping ’my distance’ , I had the power and the control while the monk was tiring himself out yelling and shouting at me incessantly.

Nevertheless, in situations like this, it is so easy to see who has the physical power. It is so easy to tell who will win should a match of strength occur. I guess it was pretty much like that with the unbalanced match of David and Goliath. Nobody ever thinks a small and seemingly weak opponent can grab the win. The same is true with warring nations. The idea during the time of conquerors and dynasties was to make one’s domain big and powerful. Big and mighty is powerful and if physical power is used, it seems to yield even more power.
I am speaking of physical power. The one that conquers most for himself is powerful. The one that gives the most blows and knocks out the opponent is powerful. What then is all this power of??? Is it for self-aggrandizement??? Then what???

If a bigger child wants to win against a smaller one, it could be the easiest thing on earth. If a wealthy nation wants control over a poorer nation, that too is easy. All that needs to do is violence. Physical violence by violating human rights, negating privileges and a total disregard of the individual.

Now if our goal is peace, harmony, prosperity, happiness for the greater majority and the just distribution of wealth and opportunities, significant ingredients are patience and humility.

I became impatient. I showed grave irritation. I did not make the other monk a better chance to continue his nastiness and aggression. I was not humble enough to take that aggression and did not resist the temptation to get even and fight back in a fist fight or a word war. Thanks to the elder monk who meddled, the fight did not ensue, my fist did not land on the monk’s eye. He could have sustained a blackeye that will last for days.

Maybe we can say the same thing for ourselves. We might certainly swat a spider or an ant even if they do us no immediate harm. It is so easy for hospitals and other institutions to turn away the poor because they do not have the capacity to pay; no dollar power or peso power. I could go on and on and on.

Then I think of this wonderful and great mighty and powerful God who is patient and merciful. How many times have we wronged Him??? How many times have we lifted our fists at Him when we disobey His commandments??? Yet he never wields His power on us. He does not give us what we truly deserves. If He did, we would have the same fate as the dented wall in the accounting office. We would have the same fate as the ants and spiders or even cockroaches under someone’s foot.

God’s definition of power is not conquering us and tying us down like slaves so we can be fully subservient to Him. His power is manifested in His gentle and humble love for us. By His loving us in spite of our weaknesses, He enables us to pick up ourselves from the heavy blows life gives us with renewed strength and confidence in the power of His love.

Bless us all!!!

Coping up with stress

What do I do when I am stressed up and laden with burdens? What do I do when I feel that the problems and challenges of my monastic life inside the Cloister are getting worse and my mind cannot get focused on a solution?

Usually in the past, when I was not yet a monk and was still in the teaching profession, I cope up with stress and problems by doing two things: I take a long walk alone and I dine with a friend or a couple.
But now as monk, as much as I want to do the latter, I couldn’t just do it anymore for obvious reasons, but I still do the former. I take a long walk along the Cloister corridors and round and round I go, while contemplating on issues in my mind that need to be resolved and be given action.

Walking alone reflectively has a way of relieving stress and clarifying the mind cluttered with so many concerns. Walking has a way of focusing a cluttered mind. Chances are, after a long walk, you will reach the end of your walk finding the solution to your problem.

Sharing a meal with a friend helps a lot. When you are with friends at a dining table , things in your mind get clearer. You don’t need to share with them what things are bugging you but their mere presence makes your mind gets a clearer view of your plans of action to the solution. A meal prepared by a friend whom you know loves you is always a welcome treat. We share a meal in friendship and in love. In the monastery, we share our meals at table everyday and somehow, it serves the purpose to anyone of us who may have concerns and problems that need to be addressed.
For all of you people out there, sharing meals with a friend and loved one is one of the effective ways in dealing with your burdens.

One of the best Biblical incidents that prove to us the power of a long walk and the beauty of a love meal is the Emmaus incident.

The disciples were hurting, frustrated and confused. They needed a good long walk, seven miles from Jerusalem to Emmaus. They were probably hoping to get their minds focused when they reached home and to get themselves relieved from the confusion that Jesus’ death brought them.
And it was in the sharing of a meal prepared with love and friendship that they recognized the Lord. The disciples prepared the meal for that “Stranger” and broke bread with Him. With that, their eyes were opened and they recognized the Lord.

Life is indeed a journey. A long walk. And along this journey, we can get badly hurt and get severely confused. As we take our steps in this long walk, we can get wounded or bruised by stumbling or we can get frustrated and disappointed by the antipathy of those who are walking the journey with us.
But no matter how bruised, wounded, pained or frustrated we may be, we should keep walking, one step at a time, no matter how weak or feeble our legs may feel.

We should not allow the woundedness or brokenness of the journey to paralyze us into inaction. So we should keep on walking, one step at a time as the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step and the destiny of the journey is reached only by those who are willing to walk without the cost, one step at a time unto eternity.

No matter how bruised or weakened we may feel, we have to keep a hospitable disposition, keep a friendly smile no matter how tired or confused you may be.

Sometimes, on days when we feel lost and hurting terribly, we are tempted to let all know that we are beset by problems so we turn irritable, grumpy and grouchy. Remember that the disciples of Emmaus turned to hospitality and graciously prepared a friendly meal despite their hurts and confusion.

The way to get our hearts ready to love again and to serve again is to be friendly, kind and gracious. Go against your grain. Overcome evil by the power of good.

Discover the power of a long walk. Explore the beauty of a love meal, and you will understand the blessings that the Emmaus disciples received!

Bless you all.

my pains...the Lord's pains...

We can identify the pains of the Lord with our own pains.

Most of us may not suffer materially but the comfort that money can bring is nothing once we know the pain and anguish of being betrayed by someone; by a friend...

If you lack money, all you need is money and your problem is solved.

But if your problem is psychological, and you're suffering from anger, loneliness, from the indifference of a friend or a loved one, it cannot be relieved by something which you can buy from Wal-Mart, or Sam's Club, or Robinson's or Rustan's or SM dept store. It can only be solved by even more love.

Such was the pain of the Lord. And such probably is our pain.

Maybe we can talk to Jesus and tell Him: "Lord, I know how much pain you suffered when You heard the footsteps of Judas as he turned away from You. Lord, I know how much pain You suffered when You heard the door slammed behind Judas because he was in a hurry to betray You. Lord, You know the pain, the anguish of offering the place of honor to somebody who will betray You. I suffer the same pain. I am continually betrayed. Lord help me see my pain in Your pain. Help me see my anguish in Your anguish. Help me see the meaning of what I am carrying in Your own suffering".

A blessed day to all of you!

Does God hold grudges?

It's 9:20Pm.
I couldn't sleep as my energy level has not subsided from my whole day's driving and my runny nose, which I got from one whole day's exposure to the freezing weather outside, is keeping me awake.

I went to Sta Fe today to do the weekly grocery shopping for my community with my assistant shopper Brother Paul (Vietnamese). I should have been asleep now if not with this colds that I guess I caught while going in and out the car for stops in grocery stores for the shopping.

I thought of starting my laptop and as I was cleaning up my cookies and temporary internet folder, I accidentally clicked on one of the icons on my desktop and it opened up! Gracious! there was internet access! (our system admin may have overlooked the router) So I thought of putting down into writing my thoughts and reflections (before I again forget to write it down) that I gathered while driving the whole day with brother Paul.

Let me start by re-telling you a brief story about Joseph in Genesis. His story runs this way.

Jacob had 12 sons and one of them was Joseph. The 11 sons were jealous of Joseph because he was Jacob's favorite. So one day, they brought Joseph to a secluded place intending to kill him. But on their way to the wilderness, they chanced upon a caravan buying slaves. They decided to sell Joseph to become a slave in Egypt. The 11 brothers of Joseph went back home and upon seeing their father, told him that Joseph was killed by a lion and as proof, they showed him Joseph's shirt which they smeared with blood.

The 11 brothers stayed with Jacob in Israel, while Joseph stayed in Egypt. Famine overcame Israel, forcing the Israelites to go to Egypt where Joseph had become the second highest official. Joseph's brothers saw him and were frightened that he might take revenge on them. They pressed upon Jacob to ask Joseph not to take revenge on them.

Actually, it never crossed Joseph's mind to get even with his brothers. Because from the start it was clear to him that he would never hold grudges against anybodyfor he believed that everything happened according to God's plan.
We are like the 11 brothers, and Joseph is like God.

After we confess our sins, we remain afraid, anxious that God is keeping grudges against us. We go to confession and ask for God's forgiveness, yet we still harbor doubts.

We say we go to confession to cleanse ourselves from the dirt of sin, and then we continue to ask ourselves, "Am I really clean already?"

Well, let me tell you what I know about God. God does not hold grudges. He forgives without any conditions. When God forgives, he also forgets. When God forgives, He also erases our faults; and when God forgives, He also takes away the mounds of sins in our souls. That's what I know about Him. Does He hold grudges? Not at all.If you have been touched by God's forgiveness, if you have sinned and have been forgiven, then, the Lord tells us in the Gospel, "you must publish it. You must proclaim it. You must tell people how good God is." The Lord tells us in the Gospel, "What you have received in private, you must proclaim from the rooftops."

If we have been recipients of God's goodness, if we have been forgiven of sins we thought could never be forgiven, if we have enjoyed God's favor that in spite of our faults...sins...crimes... God still looks at the light in us, then we should tell other people about it. We should tell our loved ones, our workplace, our communities and even our our enemies, "God is so forgiving, look what He has done to me. God is so kind, behold what he has done in me. God is so compassionate, look at me, look at the changes. Look at the miracles God has done in me.

Let us pray my friends for that grace. We all have been forgiven but unfortunately, we are not all ready to fully accept that forgiveness; we are not always ready to tell other people how God is to us and we are not always ready to say that God does not keep grudges on me.

May you have a blessed moment as you reflect on this sharing of my thoughts.
Its 10:20Pm already and I can sense now that my eyes are getting ready to welcome a sound sleep after an hour of reflections on the Book of Genesis (37: 5-11). Goodnight and bless you all!

and for today's breather...a reflection on The Secret of God!

So much for today's issues for no matter how I try to live my life ideally in a community of multi-cultural, and multi-racial Religious fiigures still there will always be issues and sweet conflicts that will come along my way, so let me give myself a break from all these by pondering on the issues on the secret of God.

Public figures, especially movie and TV personalities in the field of entertainment, love to complain about how their privacies are oftenly publicly scrutinized. They love to complain how they've lost their private lives to the scrutinizing eyes of the public: their fans, their supporters, their detractors, their constituents.

Yes, we often hear these laments not only from celebrities but as well as from the public officials, candidates for electoral posts, basketball players and sports celebrities.

The general public indeed just cannot get enough of these famous personages. Anything they do is a sure content of rumors and gossips from the rumor mill. People talk about their romantic involvements and entanglements, what they wear for the day's noontime show, what they eat at public restaurants, what their family backgrounds are, even their skeletons in the closet: their identities and sexual preferences- ...their dreams..their ambitions...these are just but a few to mention.

We monks and you people out there who live simple lives are not subject to these public scrutiny but somehow we feel the same way in a lesser degree.
We don't like other people probing into our private lives. We don't want them forcing themselves into our lives. We want people to respect our own affairs. We preserve our private lives lest we feel like ending up becoming shallow persons.

The mark of a deep person is his ability to preserve something of himself. He is able to say: "This is private and this is something between God and myself."
That is why when people entrust to us a part of their private lives and intimately tell us their secrets, we must take that with much secrecy and sacredness. What they are actually telling us and sharing with us are sacred secrets of their lives and we should hold and keep them to ourselves only with much respect until the last breath of our lives. That is why when you expose yourself to a priest or pastor in confession, he can never violate that sacredness and seal of confession because it is holy and it belongs to God.

Let me tell you this: that God has a public and private life. Years before Christ came, people were too preoccupied with getting intimate with God. Abraham and Moses failed because God did not choose to unveil Himself to them full.
But in Jesus Christ, God unveils Himself. In Jesus Christ, God shows Himself. In Jesus Christ, God shows His face without any cover, without any veil, without any mask. That's what I am telling you about: the secret of God.

Now I ask you; "Are you willing to lay down your life for the intimate information God has given you?" Would you be willing to live even an hour of your life completely for God?

Lord , restore me-

Lord Jesus, It is so easy to pretend that all is well with me. it is so easy to put on a mask, to put up a front, to smile even if I am angry, to shake hands even if I carry resentment within me. Lord Jesus, it is so easy to make such external gestures.

But many people around me do not know my thoughts. No one can read my thoughts. No one can judge my thoughts. They do not know that I am angry inside.

They do not see the grudges I harbor within. They do not know how I hurt inside. They are not aware of my hidden pains. They have no hint of my inner fears.

But Lord, You know everything. I cannot hide anything from You. You know me more than I could ever know myself. I am not afraid nor ashamed of this, Lord. I am glad that at least there is one who understands me, at least one who knows me, who reaches out to me. And it is You only. Now I tell You, I may be abandoned by all those around me but if You are by my side, I have nothing to fear.

Lord, You know, it is very difficult to forgive. The hurts, the pains inflicted on me by those whom I live with, are too deep to be forgotten; to deep to be taken for granted; too deep for my shoulders to shrug. I could not just cover by any bandage the wounds that these have caused. They have become like open cuts that continue to bleed. It is so difficult to forgive when the wound is fresh. It is so difficult to forgive right away.

But You, Lord Jesus, so readily forgive. At calvary, You said: "Father forgive them for they do not know what they are doing." You were still bleeding yet You were already forgiving. Those who meant You harm had not yet completed their task, yet Your forgiveness was already completed.

Lord, can I be like You? Lord Jesus, make me like You. Make me forgive even while I am still bleeding. Make me ready to forgive while others are still plotting sinful acts and crimes against me. Make me forgive even if it is difficult. Make me forgive not tomorrow, not next week but right now.

Lord Jesus, life can be too much for me; too heavy to bear. No one seems to understand. Everybody is in a hurry. Everybody is busy with their own affairs. No one is left with me. Not anyone around me. No one is left but You.

Lord I am not at peace. I am not at peace because I am begrudging. I am not at peace because I am resentful. Lord Jesus, restore to me the peace that is lost in me. Restore to me the innocence of my childhood. Restore to me the gladness, peace, innocence and the stillness that is Your will for me.

Reflecting on life that should be filled with forbearance…

Today is my community’s desert day-

And as defined in our Customary, it is a day intended for solitude and prayer, lectio and rest, relaxation and refreshment, but alone, not with other brothers, sisters (the neighboring community of Benedictine nuns in whose locations has so very close proximity to the monks community) or guests. An exception to this needs the permission of one’s superior (Junior master, Novice master or the Abbot).

It is also a day to clean one’s cell and adjacent rest room. Cells and restrooms will be inspected on the day following by two Senior monks. Any additional cleaning will be pointed out to the concerned brother privately.

So, today I had an ample time to reflect and find answers to some of my unending questions that keep reverberating in my ears.

At this point and time in my life as Senior monk who has lived monastic life for seven years, I shall pose to myself this question which might help me greatly in seeing the clear path of my monastic life: What is fraternal life?

Is it not to love one another- something that means, concretely to esteem one another? …Is it not to welcome each other ceaselessly?
…Is it not truly to hear one another?that is, to ‘open the ear of my heart’ ?
…Is it not to hear the ideas that are different from my own?
…Is it not to speak, in turn, with words that are just, gentle, and subtle?
…Is it not to act generously and kindly?
…Is it not to pardon one another tirelessly? Bear the imperfections of one another tirelessly? Accept the faults, mistakes and weaknesses of one another tirelessly?

Perhaps, these questions will give clarity and nurture my monastic growth as these has something to do with the kind of life that I am living now with my monk brothers of diversified culture, nationality, color, smell, conduct and behavior.

Perhaps, I shall need to take a closer look from time to time and make a keen reflection on the Holy Rule of St Benedict's Chapter 72 which says: “Of the Good Zeal which the monks ought to have”…Just as there is an evil of bitterness which separates from God and leads to hell, so is there a good zeal which separates from evil and leads to God and life eternal.
Let monks, therefore, exercise this zeal with utmost fervent love. Let them, that is, give one another precedence. Let them bear with the greatest patience on one another’s infirmities, whether body or character. Let them vie in paying obedience to one another. Let none follow what seems good for himself, but rather what is good for the other. Let them practice fraternal charity with a pure untainted love for one another".

And so, may God give me the grace to be able to reconsider, to be able to give heed to what Chapter 72 of St Benedict’s Holy Rule says.

May I be given the grace of God to truly give my life undoubtedly for my brothers and to truly bear with their strange cultures, beliefs, smells, behavioral practices, their mores, and their cultural behaviors and personalities.

What I am so thankful of, amidst such hardship and difficulties in where I live now, is the fact that most people outside the monastery who despite of being fairly well in life still has unending questions like "What are you looking for? What do you want?" These questions bug their minds all day long.

Perhaps, they feel something was missing in their lives, and they couldn't quite name it, but they have a sense that Jesus might have the answer.

Inside the monastery, I am led to walk side by side with Jesus across these seven years that passed: Through Jesus I came to know the Father, and through Jesus I am nurtured to be— merciful, compassionate, forgiving, forbearing and faithful to the end.

I know that it's gonna be a lifetime task, but it's the very thing I've been looking for all my life...

Dear Lord, take away my fear of the cross

I know Lord that I am not here to ask favors. I am here not to be spared from problems either.

But what I only know now is that I am here to praise You as I usually do when the going gets rough because I praise You not only for the good times in my life but for the bad times as well.

I praise and thank You not only for the petitions and prayers granted but also for those that are not yet granted and remained unanswered. I thank You for the graces as well as the crises in my life.

Lord, I trust that You know what is best for me. May You give me the grace to learn to outgrow my weaknesses, and make them as my strengths with the help of your loving mercy and love.

Lord, take away my fear of the upcoming changes in my life as I plunge myself to a new environment, to a new beginning of another chapter in the book of my life. Make me steadfast and unwavering. Take away my fear of the cross. Take away my fear of making more sacrifices.

Bless all my friends especially Thess, Vera, Ellen, Ironnie, Dunstan, and Toni/nonblogger who have been so good to me, who have been praying for me, and who have been wishing what is best for me. Grant my prayers for them as they also need graces and blessings on their own needs and intentions in their lives.

Lord, I am tired

Lord, I don't feel that I have anything to offer now. Inside of me is just but a vast cloud of emptiness. I can hear nothing but the throbbing of sadness in my heart. I feel that I have been swallowed up by the sea of nothingness. I feel empty. I feel nothing. I feel so tired.

Lord, I want You to fill me up again. At this time when I feel so tired, even the passion of Your love does not excite me anymore. The promise that You will always be with me cannot spark any enthusiasm in me aanymore.

Lord, I feel so empty. Help me to confront the emptiness I feel right now and make it a blessing which will enable me to put up with my life in a right perspective.

Lord, are You calling me to a deeper reliance on You alone? Are You calling me to be challenged in my spiritual journey so that I will choose where my real tresure is? When I go to bed, i cannot sleep. When I wake up, I feel tired. Lord, lift me up. Show me the right way, show me the right path for my calling. Lord, protect me from discouragement. Protect me from the temptation to give up.

Lord, I feel pain. Physical pain, emotional pain, mental tortures, psychological aches. Lord heal them for me. I cannot heal them myself. Change these pains into joy.

it must be a happy ending...

Dom Lawrence, OSB wishes you all a very blessed, safe new year!...^__^

The liturgical year is ending. In the Filipino language we say “ilang tulog na lang ay bagong taon na naman!” translation: “in a couple of night sleeps, it’s gonna be new year again!” The calendar year is ending too and sooner than we think we are saying “Hello” to 2008. The air is beginning to to get fully excited as we anticipate the coming of the year 2008.

I have lost my memory already and am not certain where we picked the customary of ending the year with a bang. I actually think it is a wise practice to celebrate an ending in joy, not for the end itself but for what it symbolizes- a process and marks a beginning.

Like always, there will be prophets of doom. People have already come out announcing the end of the world is imminent. Even in a simple workplace, when a good manager leaves his post in the office, there will be those who will get disheartened and see the change or the move as an irreplaceable loss or a sure detriment to the company or department. Yet the optimist sees the change as a challenge. Instead of approaching it with sadness, the hopeful realist approaches change with excitement and renowned spirit.

It is normal that all good-byes and all endings come with mixed emotions. It is sad to say “good-bye”!
We want to hold on to all that is familiar to us especially if it is beautiful and good. We all want to see the future with hope, but there is no denying that the fear of the unknown is sometimes overwhelming.

I recall with a tinge of sadness when I left the Philippines in year 2002 to finally join the ranks of the Benedictine monks of Christ in the Desert here in New Mexico, USA.

I remember crying in the whole duration of the send-off party that the faculty members of San Beda College Grade School Department gave me. That day was the saddest day of my life. Imagine, I will be leaving behind my community for almost twenty years of daily encounters with its faculty, students and its office personnel.

Being with them six days a week in seventeen years, I felt a strong and special bond between us. That was indeed very sad. Of course, if I had a choice I would be happier if I stayed with them in the Philippines. They are a family to me.

My departure was a painful breaking away for me and maybe even more for them. But after some years and now, whenever we see each other on my annual home visit to the Philippines, there is such a wealth of experience to share with them. The light and happy exchange of stories is something to look forward to whenever I come home and get a chance to visit them in school.

Good-byes are like that. They hurt when they happen but something good always emerges for those who choose to see it. Some good surfaces for those who believe that happy endings are made. Happy endings take a lot of hardwork and sacrifice.

None of us can say that the death of Jesus on the Cross was a happy occasion. Indeed, it brought a lot of sadness, anguish and distress to all those who loved Him. Yet, if not for His death we will not have the joy of Resurrection. Human life will not have meaning. The darkness of death was just the background for us to see the bright light and bright promise of a new life. Ultimately, it is a happy ending if we choose to believe so. It was Jesus’ death or His good-bye as a human presence that opened the doors for the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit is not just Jesus Christ. It is God! It is Jesus Christ! One thing is certain: it does not limit Christ’s presence to one place, to one room, to one city, to one country.Through the Holy Spirit, God and Jesus are everywhere.

We did not really say good-bye to Jesus in Calvary or Jerusalem. Jesus’ life did not really end. He is with us everywhere and anywhere. Maybe we said good-bye to the historical Jesus but definitely it was not a total good-by. Jesus lives.

To see beyond the sadness of good-byes demand a great deal of faith. Life has happy endings only because we see beyond---the hopeful glorious beginning!

Advance Happy New Year to all of you my dear ones!